Not far from where I live must reside the world's greatest concentration of clichéd mums. I'm surprised coachloads of tourists don't regularly turn up to gawpe and take photographs.
Sounds a bit like some recipe, doesn't it? "Would you like a slice of Clichéd Mum, dear - succulent and slow-cooked she is?"
There seems to be an infinite variety of clichéd mums, of different age categories.
The most important category, I reckon, is the 30-45 year old middle-class clichéd mum.
This exclusive little club - from which all men are permanently excluded (best we can hope for is to occasionally earn ourselves the odd guest/visitor pass when we are very well-behaved) - secretly rules the planet. It's not the Politicians, not the Captains of Industry, no, it's the Clichéd Mum Society.
The Clichéd Mum Society are the real powerbrokers in the world today. You see them meeting and planning their next move in cafés, in gyms, in parks, in playgrounds, outside schools, on the phone, in libraries, at after-school clubs, in supermarkets, on the bus, while out walking or jogging, at garden centres, at work, in hairdressers... everywhere.
The Clichéd Mum Society decides on the big things and the little things in life. They decide public opinion regarding who the country should next be going to war with, as well as apparently trivial matters such as who should be invited to the next dinner party, or what colour socks young Jimmy should be wearing for football.
The Clichéd Mum Society talks in code, idle gossip disguising the importance of what is actually being said. It's more difficult to crack than the Enigma Code sometimes.
The Clichéd Mum Society are ruthless and hierarchical; show weakness or step out of line while a member of The Clichéd Mum Society and you are out, ostracised - your life turned into such a living hell that you and your family may well be forced to sell up and leave the area.
As I travel to and from school, dropping the kids off and picking them up again (the school run a similar process to weightlifting perhaps) the Clichéd Mum Society are all around me. Some turn and look my way. I might even be lucky enough to get a hello before members of the Clichéd Mum Society return to their vitally important gossiping.
I don't mind. In fact, I breathe a sigh of relief.
It's reassuring to see the fate of the world in such safe hands rather than Politicians who lie, or Captains of Industry who are interested only in lining their own nests.
A real comfort.
Long live The Clichéd Mum Society.
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