Sir Fred?

Okay, I admit it.

When it comes to Fred Flintoff I made a mistake... A very big mistake.

The guy is a walking (or maybe limping) hero, a legend in his own liquid lunch hour. I know perfectly straight men who suddenly want to have his babies.

Without Fred... England would be dead, or at least their chances of success in the Ashes would be.

Forget Dolly the Sheep... this is a nation emergency. Sir Fred you need to clone yourself now, before it is too late!

Talking of knighthoods - I just want to tell you that I hate people who parade their Knighthoods constantly... I'm thinking SIR Ian Botham and SIR Ben Kingsley.

What they have both done in their careers is fantastic and I am not deriding it, not for a second, but stop showing off will ya!? It's so flippin' bling.

You two (Ben and Ian) are like a couple of kids at school - 'I'm better than you because I'm a Sir, so there!'

I can just picture Beefy Botham sticking out his tongue when saying that to the rest of the Sky Cricket commentary team. How they must hate him.

SIR Alan Sugar is another one. It's the boy done good so I must remind the world constantly mentality. Ostentatious and very conspicuous.

And if I was awarded a Knighthood for my services to loafing and laziness? I would do the exact same thing.

SIR Lord Loafer.

Sounds fantastic, that.

Wimbledon Week Part 1

Andy Murray is on centre court, ready to go all the way to the final and then lose gallantly in true brit style. You heard it here first folks...

Meanwhile, us mere mortals, who should be working to pay the bills, instead chose to indulge in a spot of, "Tennis, easy game that. It's just hitting a ball over a net."

And then finding out it isn't so easy. Particular when hampered by hayfever and a dodgy stomach. Oh, and I've got a stiff back.

Yes, I am making my excuses as to my poor performance even before I go out there and hit a ball in anger. But it's hotter than hell out there. And in my local park I'm sure that not only will you be able to cut the atmosphere with a knife, the go-for-the-throat approach taken by many dogs round these parts may well be replicated by their owners on court.

Wish Lord Loafer luck, I'll need it!